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500 Days Of Summer (If God Wrote Your Love Story)

2009-11-07T19:42:00.000-08:00

This movie was about this love story about this two person Tom & Summer. People told me that this is a sad movie. I was afraid to watch as well, its a bad ending. But i just decided to watch sometime later. But surprisingly, i was really inspired by it. I guess i could relate really well with this movie and it gave me hope.

When two people come together in a union, its important to communicate to one another. But i guess in this couple, such things really didn't happen. And i was somewhat similiar, just that i was more of the guy then the girl.

I was actually thinking to myself like what happened to Tom? i mean he is devastated and is he going to end up like that. But he met AUTUMN!!! lol. i was relieved & it really hit me that if you know that a relationship is just not healthy, then leave it. i am sure you will find someone who have the same views as you in time to come.

Not only that, listening to last night sermon by Pastor Matthew. I could feel God speaking to me and this time round, i am listening & not just hearing. So i want God to take full control as i know that i will benefit from this, i am sure(:

2009-06-26T04:07:00.000-07:00

Love the angle..

very weird individual

me & MUMMY!!

lol... we look equally stupid

Father & Daughter

2009-06-26T03:58:00.000-07:00

Lover Birds....

HAHA.. this is DAMM funny, i accidentally took this photo & it turned out... HAHA blur mummy & daddy.. we were at Changi Airport today

LOL, can't believe ah rome thought i was damm HOT in this picture! i'm flattered... (:

wah!!! CANDYLAND!!! YUM!!! ;D

Actually i saw this in a MARKET!! cool!

2009-06-26T03:54:00.000-07:00

haha.. cam whoring!!

2009-06-26T03:46:00.000-07:00

Me & SRI!! Mina!! :D

Me & Fiona!!

ooh, Me & Jo!!! :D

ok, this is a picture of ah rome.. haha, nice angle though

haha.. i think this picture is quite nice

2009-06-26T03:01:00.000-07:00

Hey peeps.. it's been quite long since i last blogged... many things happened.. actually MICHAEL JACKSON has passed on... hmm.. i don't know why but i feel sad. He is such a talent but yet he led such a sad life.. i don't blame him for all his past but it is truly indeed really saddening to hear he passed on. i acutally thought he was thirty plus cause he doesn't look like 50!!! but i am truly going to miss this LEGEND.. it seems like the world has no more legend to go for.. hmmm...

Yeah, i don't think i will be blogging so soon after today cause i really need to mug for 000000000!!! i am kinda stressed up but i guess it will be ok after everything's over. i just laid off my feelings for I... i know, i feel really stupid for doing that & really afraid i might regret but i have left this under the Lord's hands.

Acutally both for us indeed has a lot of feelings for one another but yet things are still COMPLICATED... hmm.. it's okay.. distractions happens all the time & i just have to accept it. I actually written another song & it sounds pretty good and it's been a long time since i have written a song. i guess I has affected me. Both in a GOOD & BAD way..

I also miss ALL MY FRIENDS!!! ISABEL, CHARMAINE, WAI YING, YAN TENG, etc. i hope when school reopens, we'll be good again!! ;D i did some cam whorring!!!! lol.. a lot more to come later. just blogging.. well, cya!

2009-06-10T11:26:00.000-07:00

Hey peeps..

I guess many things in life, everyone has to just get up and learn from their mistakes... i confess that i really did some nasty thing recently and i felt childish and horrible.. I guess i was so mad at someone that i just uttered out rubbish... yikess.. i know, serious consequences will follow after that.

I feel really apologetic about this whole issue... hmmm.. i totally freaked out when everything sanked in and i didn't sleep till 3... hmmm... stupid me.. i seek the Lord's forgivenss and promise never to do such a thing again.. As a christian, it is important to led a different life from others.. no pressure but at least, make people see that there is something different.. but after that incident, i am disappointed in myself.. i have like no freaking idea.. why I DID THAT??!!!

Now, about my relationship... well, things are indeed changing already and i am well trying to cope with everything.. Things have finally come to and end.. not knowing whether it is good or bad as i have given up trying.. everyone is tired, i am causing unecessary stress so yea... I am letting things go right now & occupying myself.. it's been a long long ride and finally i am putting down everything..

I guess when both parties have a breakthrough.. things are different.. i don't know whether at the end of the day, it will be good but i am trusting the Lord.. i am just not thinking about this whole OFC situation so that is why, i have nothing to say..

Right now, is I am going to help the people around me who are in relationship problems.. is really hard on individuals as i have experienced it before, and it's NASTY... it's really hard to comprehen but it's true.. I guess being able to love & having someone to love you back is a very wonderful thing.. but it's not my main priority right now..

Don't worry, you may think i am insane cause i am so not that kind of person that would say such things but it's true.. My "0" are around the corner so i can't risk anything to happen...

But that's something that i am having probs with right now.. so i am just gonna wait and see.. hmmm.. but i can sense something STRONG (P.S NOT GOOD!!!), but there is something in me who doesn't want to bring it any further cause it's not the right time.. but it's hard to control ones feelings sometimes, lots of things to reconsider..

Bye..

2009-06-04T07:20:00.000-07:00

so cute right??
A freaking 500 bucks dress... eeks!!
So Mina.. but i like it.. i mean the hair...

2009-06-04T07:04:00.000-07:00

I was kinda bored..
This is a picture of me and my WONDERFUL AWESOME dog.... BAMBI... i kinda look weird in the picture cause i was struggling to keep him still.. but it still didn't work.. I really miss him a lot.. its like whenever i argue with my mum.. i will call his name so he will response.. so cute.. sighs.. but he is gone so yup...

I wanna GROW UP... FUck it.. I have improved... give me TIME.... I am not angry at you.. damm... i am fucking angry at myself.. cause i want to grow up.. i wanna stop crying like a fucking baby.. i wanna stop relying so bloody hell so much on people but MYSELF... i am trying... you have to know that.... i will prove it to you.. give me time.. i will...

This proves that i am not good enough for you... i'm not that kind of girl that will be independent being with you... sighs... so i will not bother you anymore... i don't wanna interupt your life and affect you... i WILL GROW UP AND PROVE IT TO YOU... I will always love you.. but it seems like you don't want me around.. i get it... it's harsh... BUT I WILL GROW UP cause NO ONE CARES!!!

This is a journey i will have to walk alone.... Lord.. i am sorry for being such a disappointment.. i will try....

2009-05-27T02:59:00.000-07:00

I have been contemplating to blog for the past few days cause nothing seems to come to mind... Things happened but it is something that you can't control... i guess i don't really wanna say what i am thinking cause by saying out, it seems more real.

My thoughts are drowned & drained out and i don't want to relieve those pains over and over by writing out. I guess the only thing i can say it's that |ITS REALLY TOUGH TO ACCEPT GOD'S WILL|

When i talked to Jerome i realised that by following GOd's will is something every Human face and is fearful about it despite knowing that "God always wants the BEST for you". Hmmmm... and human beings only god to God whenever they feel upset but when things are going through smoothly, well you just leave him to gather dust on the shelves.

I ever asked myself this question, "If i can be so dependent on the guys i love, why can't i be dependent on God who I LOVE so very much too..". Maybe because God is not here physically which make things really hard.

But let's face it, it's all part of growing, we just all have to learn to LET THINGS GO and start thinking yourself and move on, and be happy despite everything because you only have ONE LIFE TO LIVE & LOVE..

Bye...

2009-05-25T05:24:00.000-07:00

As promised,, Here are some pictures that have been taken so far.. haha.. my new haircut. (:

Oh yeah, this is my childhood maid
I really wanna ROCK like her someday....
Isn't this view fantastic? lol, its so refreshing..

2009-05-24T07:50:00.000-07:00

Hey guys... I actually wanted to post some pictures today.. but there was something wrong with my computer..

Actually i read CHARMAINE blog.. and i am beggining to think about a lot of things... i realised that being independent is something that everyone should learn.. and thats include me.. I AM TRYING VERY HARD.. but its really very hard...

After Ian.. i really feel very frustrated being alone... i don't know what happened but yup... But i am determind to really stand up again and just keep trying...

REMEMBER: " Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not to your own understanding."

I think this verse has indeed told me so much & its time i learn to stand on my own feet totally... Not saying i was totally independent, but its not enough..

SO THANKS TO CHARMAINE... (:

Today, i spent the whole day alone.. YES!!!! i thought about alot of things that matter and it was quite good cause it makes me evaluate all those stuffs that has happeneded.. Ian... my friends all keep telling me to tell him how i really feel.. but i just can't do it.. and i don't know why.. I run away from stuffs and this happened to one of them.. i guess its because i know him too well. he may not admit but i know his reactions to certain stuffs..

Recently, he has been attituding me but i don't blame him at all.. i just want to move on... really... i will wait.. but i am moving on with the emotional attachment from him.. so far it's been ok, but i know it will just get even tougher, but i have to hold on to the Lord..

2009-05-19T23:38:00.000-07:00

Hey peeps!! its like 2:40 now and i am insch!!! lol.. like having maths lessons.. so funny.. wonder why i can blog?? cause i in the lab & teacher can't see me!!! hee hee hee. i feel so bad but i can't concentrate with thsi computer in front of me!

ok la, today nothing much really happen but i got back all my results & it was still not up to my standard but definitely better than last term.. Not going to tell cause the results its not fantastic so no point. :P

but i actually cried today.. hmmm... i know i know.. thought i was ok but actually i wasn't. i think it's because i couldn't see him for this 3 days then just now i saw him then i ah yah.. cry loh... hmmm.. yup. so sad... anyw, my teacher just now locked my internet!!! haha.. so pai seh.. anyw, need to go now. need to do some activity.. ta ta!!! :D

2009-05-18T21:52:00.001-07:00

Hey!!! i am like in school now!! and sitting beside me is my GOOD FRIEND CHARMAINE!!! yay!!! hahaha...

Ok, actually i am suppose to be doing this stupid NE QUIZ but mthe CD got prob so yea!!! I AM ONLINE NOW!!!

I am like in this really stinking paint computer lab... i think i will die soon,,, actually now i really bored la.. nothing better to do & i don;t wanna do chinese so hack..

Acutally, i intend to like stay over at charmaine house for 1 week to do itensive chinese before my CHINESE OOOOOOO level so yup.. need to get at least a B3 then i really very happy !!

really didn't blog for more than a month now,, sighs... many things happen but i am trusting on God totally to settle eveyrthing... its getting harder and harder but i just have to hold on... & since HE wants me to "Just Leave" fine, i will leave him alone but i just don't get it... at first i gave up and just started to rely on God... then he thinks i don't need me and says"Then now you don't rely on my anymore"

Look what happen now.. when i realised that, i explained to him and we were just being happy then suddenly things happen and he scolded me saying that "you rely on me too much.. i want you to wake up and start being independent on yourself now" ...?????? i just came to a point where i can't change anything and so i gave up trying to argue with him... but that's not gonna change anything.. i am just tired.. so leaving eveveryting about him ALONE...

I am trying but i am just like that sometimes... and is not like i am totally not reliant on 110%... its just that... oh nvm.. what's the point of explaining when nothing is going to happen..

OH OH OH OH OH OH OH OH OH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! you know you know.. Jerome went to drop my wallet into the prawn mee last time.. and that time i bought a $2 .15 clam chowder and i haven't eaten any yet and so i lent him eat some... then when he was about to give me back.. he spilled it and left really ver few only.. ARRRRGGHH!!! haha.. so funny!!! i was pretty much laughing.. but now both of us are like having some porblem with a friend and its really not going anywhere & we are freaking out!! PRAY!!!

Chao~ :D (WILL PUT PICTURES SOON!!!! )

2009-05-18T02:10:00.000-07:00

Hey!!!

I know i haven't been blogging for weeks!!! sighs... really sorry.. been really busy lately.. i don't know whether i can still keep up with the pace but i hope i can!!! :D Post some pictures for you guys!

2009-04-09T10:24:00.000-07:00

Hi peeps!!! :D

I'm back! (: i am like now at MAC studying at like 1 30am!!! man.. i am really TIRED!!! (:

Ok, tonight's main talk... hmmm.. i am just trying to sought out my thoughts!!! i feel really frustrated right now... ): hmmmm

Does he really care for me as a friend or something more??? i really don't know

But i think it's IMPOSSIBLE... It can't be... I think he thinks i am just a problematic teenager and wants to pay more attention just in case something bad happens again... sighs..

Yup... i should just hold on to that thought.. it's quite saddening but i rather face up to the reality of life... my life can't be that lucky.. Besides he is someone who cares and worries about the people around him so i guess i am just the FRIEND he cares for...sighs...

It's really highly impossible.. i got rejected by him once and so it's impossible for him to develop feelings for me again... hmmm... i am not his kind of girl.. i think he goes for the more prettier and capable.. hmmm.. ALL GUYS ARE LIKE THAT RIGHT??? no one cares about the heart anymore..

Yup... i am just emoing... It can't be... it really can't be.. he is just being protective over me.. i am thinking way too much.. no no no no no no no no no no no.... he doesn't like me.. i have to keep reminding myself that.. yes!!!!

i don't wanna get hurt or go through the torment of getting rejected by him AGAIN!! it's really too much to handle.. i jsut wanna be the supportive friend and help him go JC and NOTHING ELSE!!! i really wanna tell him how i feel but i know it's just gonna make things a lot worse like me and LT (cause we're not talking now...)

I need him as a friend really badly... NOTHING MORE!!! i really have to control myself.. cause i know what his answer and tone and it really SUCKS BIG TIME!!! ARRRRGGGGHHHHH!!!

I am really desperate to tell him but i know it's gonna cost a friendship so i just have to keep it away from him... hmmm... nothing more nothing more!! he said that before!!! AHHHH YOOOO!!!

2009-03-28T01:39:00.001-07:00

sianx....

sighs... listening to emo song at kor house now... hmmm... i actually ok le lei... but i think the information havent fully sink in yet bah... haha..

Should i go back to church?? should i stop running away from the lord and start telling him what's going on in my life although i know he knows..

sighs... trying very hard to concentrate leh... but i really cannot le.. tmr will be another day and i will be fine...

Lol.. keep getting myself into trouble.. i really can't figure out myself sometimes... my life is really very complicated le... i should really LEARN TO WAIT...

hmm..wait how long lei...

2009-03-26T07:21:00.000-07:00

Sian sian sian...

Hmmm... why does loving someone have to be so hard..???

I feel so tired yet so determind...

I don't know what to do le.... ):

I keep doing this.. sometimes i feel so stupid but feelings can't be help..

Do you feel the same as i do?? cause its getting deeper and deeper as each day passes..

Take things slow... but will things still not turn out the way you want it to?

Gosh...

2009-03-23T07:20:00.001-07:00

Hi people..

really Really tired now.. like super sleepy... sighs.. but blog about sunday STUDY TIME WITH KOR KOR!!! haha..

It was really fun yesterday. He took like 1 1/2 hours to reach my HOUSE!!! wth!! haha.. so funny lah.. then i wake up super early go clean my house waste time.. lol.. then after that just study study study until about lunch time.. whoa, my stomach like growl 3 times!!! :P i was damm hungry but in the end still cannot finish my burger. haha

Kor kor go treat me lunch!! wow!! so happy! Eat until so full, make him so FAT!!!! :P hahaha. then just talk talk talk about a lot of things then go back study and study.. study until brain burst.. i really super stress then went to rest.. then kor kor go ask me play BOARD GAMES!!! haha

So funny lah... then i just taught him how to play the GAME OF LIFE.. haha. i really had a lot of fun playing that loh.. i teach him then he earn like super a lot of money.. crap.. i poor like don't know what.. then he down there only HAO LIAN.. haha!!! .

Then my mother just say a few stuff to him.. lol. so AWKWARD LA.... lol... then my mother thought i like him???!!! haha.. so funny.. well, at least almost not anymore.. prefer him to be my brother, more fun!!! :D

Ok, will post pictures soon.. now too sleepy. night night!!

(I can't like you... it's.. i don't know... too fast? ah yo... all my fault la.. say cute only make ppl think i like... hmmm)

2009-03-17T19:01:00.000-07:00

Took this after i felt better from my fever..

Can you spot the rainbow!!!!??
hi everyone!!! (: i am going to sch soon for BIO remedial.. ah yo... lol. but later i going IKEA with my mama to buy furniture!! yes yes!!!! :D Yesterday i went out with Main & Yen Teng again!!! haha.. go bugis and i bought a hell load of SHIT!!! and i am very satisfied with my buy!!! haha.. still haven't bought everything yet but i going to buy it soon. hee hee.. Sighs.. but i did something really mean... and i still feel very guilty about it...

ANyway, just decided to post some pictures so yup... (:

Everything is nearly coming to an end.. a closure but a very happy and beautiful one.. I am really thankful that i like a correct guy, someone who.. yups... This past week has indeed been a really tough one for me but i've lived through it and i just WANNA SAY A BIG THANK YOU TO ALL MY FRIENDS who have really been there supporting me through this period of time esp. through all my tears... really thx for putting up with this "Pathetic cry baby".. haha... i really couldn't have carried on without you guys support.. its been a ride but a very good ride for me.. (;

I didn't regret knowing you.. but sometimes things just don't go the way you want it to go and you just have to accept it and move on but i am SUPER DUPER HAPPY THAT YOU ARE NOW MY BROTHER!!!! yay!!! None of this stuffs have happened before in my entire life esp. after a so called "Rejection". It's kinda weird but i yea... i am beginning to let my heart let go of you although still struggling cause once in a while the memories still comes back and it hurts but i am ok.. (:

But i really hope that i can really feel happy for both of you.. i mean feel truly happy.. cause right now.. i don't even know how to face her.. so i just gotta find some way somehow... (: But i will be fine.. soon... VERY SOON!!!! I am not going to force myself but i know what i have to do.. i just have to DO IT FAST!!!! yup.

Alright, cya!!!

2009-03-16T19:03:00.000-07:00

hi everyone... really sorry for not posting any pictures lately... i just wasn't exactly in the mood... But i will fine soon so just give me some time.. i need to settle certain things with myself...

Yesterday i felt really weird especially during dinner with Jo... i seriously don't know what the hell was wrong with me... ah yo.... i mean i found out the girl that he likes... hmmm...

Yes... yup... i don't know i felt alright... i was even excited to know and when i found out.. i was still ok.. but because the info wasn't exactly sink in enough that i was like not here, not there... but when i woke up today.. it really hit me like a bullet...

I AM SUPPOSE TO BE HAPPY!!!! but i am not... i am in fact really sad.... sighs... why why why why??!!! Well, but whatever it is i just want him to be happy.. that girl is too my good friend and she is a really nice girl and he is such a great guy... all i can say or spit out of my mouth right now is that i wish them all the best...

SHe is so much more prettier and funnier and so much more look chinese and they are a bit ah beng ah lian.. lol.. so compatible... ):

I REALLY WANNA FORGET YOU.... but its so hard... i am determind cause i don't wanna feel sad because i know you like her... i wanna feel happy for you!!! really... i swear!!!! sighs... but its getting really hard...

2009-03-16T00:09:00.000-07:00

After mock... (:

I have patch things with bel.. but somehow another part of me isn't.. I will be fine.. but at least not now.....

Everything was just a misunderstanding... sighs... i don't know when i will recover but i will be but now now...

I just wanna wish you all the best with her... You have to treasure her k? You are a great guy but feelings can't be controlled... i need time to get over you cause my feelings for you is deep and i also don't know... Thanks for everything.. i will remember you but right now... i still need some time get up...

my heart is aching.. i feel like a idiot but who else can i blame accept for me... sighs... how i wish i will look more chinese... how i wish i was a boy so i can choose who i can date instead of having to be the one that just waits....

I will be ok.. i will but right now... my mind is just confused... need to study...

2009-03-14T06:32:00.000-07:00

Hi... just came home from bugis!!! haha. :D saw a lot of very very nice dresses!! ah... but cannot buy cause i broke le... hmmm.. :) i went studying with Yan Ting & Charmaine!!!! yay!!! lol.. had so much fun!! (: i really studied and i feel really satisfied with myself but must still try harder.. lol

Yan Ting just now really very funny.. she in the bus then accidentally fell onto a guy on a chair with his gf!! haha... damm funny! i laugh until i cannot take it. haha. Then another guy ask she randomly if she want photoshoot. lol.. so FREAKY!!!! haha..

I was pretty much ok.. (: lol... But Charmaine asked me alot of questions and i really so sian diao.. not blaming her le.. haha.. but just kept me thinking a lot...

LOL.. tmr got seafood speciality for dinner!!!! WAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! yum yum!!! i am so looking forward to that!! (: lol.. so morning will mug super hard then at night enjoy!!!! hee hee!!!

bye bye!! lazy post pictures... :P

2009-03-12T06:27:00.000-07:00

HEY!!!!

HAHA... I've just came home from library and i feel super high!!! lol.. i don't know why!!!

lol.. But i think its REALLY BIG THANK YOU to Charmain cause she really made me feel alot better compared to when during sch. lol.. THANK YOU!!!! lol..

Sometimes, i wish i was a kid cause you won't think so much about life but just enjoy every moment of it. haha. :D So that's what i am going to do.. i wanna stop worrying about unnecessary things as in just don't think so much but treasure every moment of everything. :D

lol. Chao! :D

2009-03-12T01:32:00.000-07:00

Sighs... today has been a really bad bad day for me...

I quarrelled with my best friend??!!!! First time so badly... she changed into someone i totally don't even remember anymore.... she actually scolded me like "What the Fuck is wrong with you?!" i was like wth?! why do you expect everyone to do what you say or to qian jiu ni???!!!

I am not your dog ok?? doesn't mean you are stress you vent your anger on other people... i have my own probs too you know... i am already trying so hard to not scold you cause you seriously have an attitude prob but you scolded me.... ):

I am really heartbroken that i am losing my best friend.... i am already so frustrated with my life and now you made me quarrel with you? when can you realise that sometimes you are really in the wrong? do you have to wait until things go to a point of no return...? you've change.... ): you are no longer the person i once knew....

i cried twice today... i am really very upset... i didn't even have appetite to eat anything.... i felt sick... i am really trying very hard to control myself cause i know its not worth quarrelling with you but....

you say i don't tell you my probs... and have you ever asked yourself why??? No doubt you are my best friend but sometimes it doesn't mean i have to tell you everything.... i mean i am already not emotinally stable and i really need your support but i don't know.. i don't wanna blame anybody....

you used to give me space and now you just scold me....? a friend first time told me to fuck off... right.... you've really change.... ): why..? then you can only ask why kai wen never tell me stuff anymore.... is it my fault or you really need to rethink your behaviour.... i am really not scolding you or anything.. but i can't find anymore ways to tell you that.... i can be very blunt but i don't want cause you are my friend..

Pls understand... i already am upset enough....

2009-03-11T07:52:00.000-07:00

Did i say something wrong...? i hope not.. i am just i also don't know..

Ah ya... hope you are not angry

Just trying not to think too much..

2009-03-10T07:11:00.001-07:00

hi everyone....

Listening the song " Thinking Of You"... hmmm... i just read his blog... sighs... what can i say.. i am feeling exactly the same way...lol.. hmmm... It's hard to explain this feeling... This reminds me to monday in class... i was having free period so i was just doing my homework while listening to my ipod then i sudden just felt that something was missing.... it's like without you i just don't have the motivation to study... i really can't help it.. but you have been partly the one making me carry on... it's weird maybe to you but

I only told this to Charmaine cause she knows exactly what i am going through....It's like today morning i saw wan qian and ye wei studying together behind me... ah yo... really sweet lorh...lol hmmm... just felt my heart very heavy suddenly when i saw them... hmmm... I feel being pulled away from you cause of family and studies, commitment etc.... i understand but it's really hard to let it go...

Really.. i was walking at senja to lrt..thinking about you... i realise that it's impossible to forget you or let you go... i really can't bring myself to do that.... but maybe you will cause it's not deep... but i know i can't....i just missed the train and i felt very bummed out cause i thought maybe i won't be able to see you...haha.. since you are always super fast.. it may not mean much but being able to see you for a while means a lot... lol.. i know creepy and weird... so i board the next train NOT KNOWING HE WAS INSIDE???? ah yo.... lol he was sitting down so i didn't see him... so at teck whye he got up and i was like doesn't he look like him..... i felt dumb but really happy... innocent and complicated.... then he smiled at me... wow... (:

People say i lucky that got that kind of guy who is so nice and responsible to like me... i agree and i am truly contented but it's torturing sometimes cause the feeling of cannot be with the one you like is really hard... i ever thought of giving both of us a chance to be together but i know he can't and i understand.... even my teacher can tell me study with him and work hard together... but really easier said than done... hmmm...

It takes both hands to clap.... Charmaine then out of concern asked me "So do you think if you are with him, both of you will be happy?" i just said you don't know unless you try... you have to fall before you fly... right? hmm... i don't want this to end... i don't want to regret not being with you cause any girl can like you easily cause you are so good....

Call me perfect but i am not.... hmmm... if i was perfect we would have been together... (: hmmm... i don't even dare to look at you cause unless i am very sure you won't know i am looking at you... lol... i can't look at you face to face.. lol i don't know why... cause i will either really be happy cause there's just so much about you or i will sigh cause i can't be with you...or at least boundaries are placed... ouch... it's like i look at your pictures it's just so... i can laugh so hard or sigh happily or sigh really depressing... lol.... a lot of up and down...

Even lying on my bed thinking about this... i can literally see my angel fighting with my devil but there is only one problem... i don't even know which is my angel or devil...?

lol.. it's like you are my umbrella in a heavydownpour.. being able to share my joy and sadness with.. haha.. not caring whether i am super weird or not... i feel weird saying this but.. i really can't explain this.. i just want to remain really good friends but sometimes a bit more than that but not further than that... but can. or cannot? my brain and my heart are really contradicting each other..

2009-03-08T07:04:00.000-07:00

lol.. stupid me so act cute.. haha
I love my fringe i finally got it after so looongg...
Funny right? withe the goggles lol.. i was painting my room nia.. xD
NICE RIGHT???!!! gold seh.... lol
hmm... i think i look like me cousin... haha.
Hi everyone!!! It's me... blogging... again..

Ai yo... my mind is in a mess right now.... lol..

Don't worry.. i am ok.. i am ok.. its just really in a war right now.. so many things going in and out..

I can't explain this feeling but it's so F******* bad.. last night just cleared some stuffs and my brain just overloaded and i couldn't take it so i fell asleep. Been studying the whole day non stop.. really drained out.. but I CAN"T GIVE UP!!!! ): On studies side, i have mostly cleared and plan out everything so i am pretty much ok with it. as for relationship.... hmmm... that's the thing..

I am not blaming anyone now.. and i won't but it's just really a lot of mixed feelings.. is like i don't want anyone to suffer but at the same time.. you can't control.. i am learning to walk away from you as a girl that likes you but it's really really hard for me... all i want is for you to study really really well and i feel like a stone in his heart... so if it can be removed why not...?

Maybe people will think that " You are also never stead then why so upset for"... sighs... different people have different ways of handling... you can blame me or be blunt (Meaning my friends) but you all don't know how much this feelings means to me... no doubt, i agree that nothing happen.. but he is different.. the guys i like before were never like that.. i can swear on that.. He is just different.. ai ya just like that lorh... (I am not sad arh... lol just throwing out all my frustrations)
is like i want to like him but knowing that i might affect everything just can't do it...

I hate pretending but sometimes pretending may do good... FOR EVERYONE... i would definitely love to stay friends but at this point of time.. i am still a little too not over him.. haha.. it might take quite long cause this kind of self discipline, respecting, responsible guy... qu na li zhao???

haha... lol. but my studies is not affected by him and i won't let this happen but when it comes to the matters of the heart.. i get really soft... its like i don't want my heart to take control of my mind.. lol... hmmm.. i am fine.. i swear.. hee hee. there's just no one i can let it all out to that's all.. maybe that's what blogging is for lol..

Nvm.. friends... better... i guess... hmmmm.. is something i can't get used to yet... but do give me time.. (: lol.

Mug..Mug..Mug... Mug!!! I need to go PJC / LASALLE.. ):

2009-03-07T03:36:00.002-08:00

How am i suppose to express the feelings that i am feeling right now...?

I just know that deep inside my heart... everything's shattered...

Its like someone just ripped your heart of your chest..

I thought i was suppose to be happy? so why am i feeling so terrible inside...

Whenever i have nothing to do... the depressing feeling just rush back in from i don't know where and i will just think of you....

I jolly know that we both have studies to handle... but you can't be studying 24/7... there will definitely be times when you are just free... and i don't wish for that time...

I don't know what to do... i don't know how i feel...

I felt this way before & i don't like to feel this way.... its different but.... sighs..

It's like stuck in a love story of "Tui Huo"

It's like no one's is at fault,,, but it's just that the timing was wrong and that there are more important stuffs....

I can wait... but can he?? i seriously doubt so...

I know time flies very fast but can feelings fly that fast too?

Sighs... i don't know...

I reallly miss him.... but i know that studies come first...

I hate to say this... but feelings can wait....?

2009-03-04T07:24:00.000-08:00

This is how i look like when my hair is let down.
BIOLOGY MATTERS PPL!!!
oops!
lol... my room is in an utter mess!!! hmmm..
No more double decker bed!!!!
AHHH!!! i am going to give that away... T.T
Me & my little cute little EEYORE!!! yay!!!
lol. very cute right???!!! haha. ><
K1 graduation picture!!!! Ahh!!!
nursery picture. lol... miss all my friends!!!

Hi everybody!!! lol. COMMON TEST IS OVERRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! haha... FINALLY.. its been dragging for 2 whole weeks, that sucks big time.. but finally i got a chance to at least rest for a while and start my engine again!!! lol. Just now went to GYM with Charmain and Jane!!!! lol.. i had a lot of fun working out me MUSCLES!!!! haha.. it's quite fun.. but i hope to make it more consistent. my target weight it still not really met so i gotta buck up!! :D

I got back some of my papers.... T.T quite disappointed in some of them.. but i am not gonna give up so that easily.. (: i want to go to my desired sch in future... haha... i am like blogging in the middle of the night now with my eyes half closed and have school the next day.... hmmm... why can't it be FRIDAY???!!!! T.T

YAY!!! i am going to go out with HIM!!! lol.. does he remember? >< i hope so. cause i can't WAIT!!! lol :P Been going to sch and back to sch with him directly and indirectly... it really brings out all of the adrealine and it's really scary but enjoyable.. lol.. Oh Oh, and i am cut my HAIR!!!! lol.. AHHH!!! lol. by myself somemore.. haha. just trim a bit cause i can't stand all the dead ends. lol. I know its a bit daring of me but firstly, i am lazy to cut it myself and i DON'T TRUST HAIR DRESSERS!!!! they are deaf most of the time.. sighs.... lol..

Anyway, i gotta go do my ss!!! hmmm or sleep?

lol. bye bye!!! ;D

2009-02-28T07:26:00.000-08:00

Heys ppl!!! lol... Sorry i didn't manage to blog for some time cause i've been really busy with my common test!!! -.- I actually targeted to do at least once a week but i didn't... but i will after common test!!! lol.. a lot has happened actually over this past 2 weeks.. lol... i don't even know when to start.,.lol..

Um.. ok, i decided to do a makeover for my ROOM!!!! haha. yay!! super excited about the whole thing!! i am like going to paint myt walls and change furniture!!! whoo hoo!!! damm nice!! lol.. i just went to IKEA with Charmaine and we had a lot of fun getting ideas!!! We spent like a total of 2 hours just browsing through almost everything and i already have a list on getting what i want!!! lol..

Also, today was my performance!! like a mini concert!! It was kinda not bad but i really did make some mistakes.. perhaps if i got the video i can show it to you some other time.. lol.. i was really nervous after that.. i never sang in front of so many people for like 4 years already!!! lol.. the last time was like in school when i was still in sec 1.. haha. But i really did have some fun!!!

Oh, and just now when i was on my way back home at cck interchange... there was like this poor man around late 60s.. he wa like moaning and screaming and crying away so loudly... i nearly cried cause it was like so pityful... :( Even his face were bruised.. i hoped he didn't get like beaten by loan sharks or his family abandoned him... he was really sad.. i am afraid he might commit suicide!!! :( I know its weird but i just don't like to see ppl sad.. it's not cool.. lol..

Lastly..... me and THAT guy... haha... There's so much to say but i don't even know when to start!!! lol.. Many things happen and it was sweet sad and worrying actually.... Should i start with the good or bad first??? Ok.. i don't really wanna say so much but all i can say is that he is really different and special from the previous guys i dated... ok ok ... you might think i say that to all the guys but i have been observing and it really its DIFFERENT & SPECIAL... :) I mean i used to know a guy for like 2 weeks then we just date... but it has already been a month and we are still friends... ok, that may not mean so much but it does to me... i used to rush but i've learnt to take things easy and to enjoy and treasure every moment of everything.. ;D

And speaking about that... what does it really mean to be in love???? lol..

2009-02-13T23:27:00.000-08:00

HAPPY VALENTINES' DAY to all me dearest friends!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Wish all couples that i know will have a very enjoyable valentine day!!! yesterday, i went to Far East with Charmain & Isabel. Gosh!! It's been so long since i went out to shop!! It's been a whole lot of fun yesterday!! haha. I am also really glad that me and Charmaine are getting closer!!! YAY!!!! She is really such a sweet person.. although she is a quiet person but she is a really good friend!!! hmmm... sad yesterday Jane didn't follow us... bummer.. she la,, got some tupid GB thing... go botanical garden????!!!!!!
WOE!!!! haha....sighs.... i met someone by accident not too long ago and i really didn't expect the person to be so sweet, responisible and mature.... i finally don't have to pretend to be the PERFECT GIRL but just being myself. and through this FRIENDSHIP... i realised that it is so important to be yourself... no doubt both of us have imperfection but he was willing to accept & encourge me... it was really something.... what can i say... i feel blessed!!! Thanks Lord.... <3

2009-02-08T01:07:00.000-08:00

OOPSY....no more barbie!!!

ooohhh, my birthday cake!!!

Can you tell that's a wig?? :D

Blk 629!!!!

1 AM at the computer... XD

Heex heex... am i cute???!!! :P

Oh, Oh, yesterday at HARMONY AT SENJA!!!

Sianxx....

Super tired.. cause it was 1AM!!!

HEY EVERYBODY!!!!! haha.. :D i am now doing my Bio notes while blogging. :D Yesterday, was super AWESOME!!!! WHOO!!! no la, just celebrated my birthday with my relatives. :D hee hee... although my birthday won't be arriving so soon... but that was the best birthday ever!!!! my cake was so beautiful!!! :D i loved it till nuts!!! :D i will post pictures of it.. Maybe you will like it maybe you won't but to me, it's lovely. ;D

Hmmmm,, yesterday during dinner i nearly ruined to whole thing... my cousin (Don't want to mention who) was freaking talking behind my back in front of me!!!! Seriously, i think that is like super childish... i was super tempted to banged the table and tell it to "Not Happy, talk la!!!" But chill, i am perfectly fine. don't want to affect myself with that kind of behaviour... Anyway, to set record straight, i seriously did nothign to offend it. I was jsut super HIGH on that particular day and the clothings i wore was not exposing at all. it was just one bra strap & its not that i flaunt it or whatever. And i was like "Do i look like i care?"

Dude, that was all that i said... ??????????????????????????????????????????????? Whoa... man.. i am lost for words but anyway.. i don't blame it, its just sensitive so yup. Besides, it my cousin so yeah... but if it continue like that, then i got nothing to say...

OK, lets not talk about this, yesterday was also the day i went to HARMONY AT SENJA!!!! Yippy!!! ;D Acutally it was not fun, it was super tiring.... hmmm...i had to give out pamplets of dengue fever thingy & explain to the residents... it was TIRING!!! ;( But Isabel was worse... she had to follow the MP wherever he went and she was Dead tired!!! hahahaha..... :)

Oh, oh, after that Ian called me and asked whether i want to chill at his house... since i had nothing better to do.. i just went. Before that, he told me that there was NO ONE at home... and i went i was at his doorstep. he said he sister was sleeping and father sleeping too!!!??? hahah.. suepr weird and funny la!!! But i still went in.. since i was already there. Hmmm.. then i jsut watch some really funny videos and we both laugh like crazy!!!

I also watched this gaming thingy which was really freaking me out & his maid called me MUTHU!!!!!????? WTH! But whatever... OH yeah, not to mention.. i have so much money from my relatives for birthday gift!!!! ;D But the only problem was, i was really disappointed in my parents gift.....sighs... i know i know, i shouldn't be saying that but sometimes i really don't know what they are thinking? Are they deaf or.....? Its like, you buy me what i want or wish or like. But it seems that they totally have to clue what i like.... :( Its seriously a bummer, i wish they would give me money then buy me things because it's really FRUSTATING!!!!!!

They bought me a think, cross necklace with golden ring around it.... ???????????OMG!!! i can't wear it,, it looks WEIRD!!!! IT BIG FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!!!! You see, it's super frustarting.... man!!!! and i alreayd told them to buy a ring MANY MANY TIMES!!!! :( ARRGHHH!!! WTFFFFFRFFFFFFFFFFFF!!!! i know they are nice and caring parents but but but but but.........................SIghs.... i got nothign to say....anymore...............

Bye Bye.

2009-02-01T07:33:00.000-08:00

And yes, without God... nothing will ever be the same

me & Bel Goofing around during the poly visits!!!

My future husband from Munich... so right now
is preparation time!!!

Me & My ahboobies!!! :D

ME & JANE!!!! My LOVE!!!! XD

Hey guys... hmmm, it like 12 plus already & i am still NOT ASLEEP!!! and there's sch tmr still...
i guess i can't even get to sleep right now.... i don't know... i guess it's because i am SUPER troubled by something......

Well, one of my really good friend has just suddenly like GIRLS.... you know what i mean.... i am not angry or what but i just feel heartbroken.... i totally understand what she is going through and her decision but it still pains my heart...

Just pray that everything will be fine soon. :D Hope she will find the right person that truly understands her and accepts her. i guess thats most important right?

Anyw... still got loads of pictures to post right now!! really excited and i don't know why??? Anyway, i suddenly don't have the mood to go into a relationship... is it weird cause i have never been like that before.... i feel so weird like i am not interested in guys ANYMORE!!!!! ;( no no cannot be... i guess i finally realise the importance on relying on God to bring me the BEST MAN for me.... and that means i have to wait... Hope i won't have to wait too long!!!! "cross Fingers"!!!

haha. i even had a dream that i told the whole world i was getting married finally and i was super overjoyed!!!! lol... FREAKY!!!! :D Not only that, this week was roller coaster ride for me.... hmmm... felt really stressted out about my studies!!!

You know i already left like 7 sub and now i most prob willl be dropping to 6!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HELP!!!! its bizzare!! i really am freaking out & its not a very nice feeling.... But i know i have to trust God in my decision and to just do my best & leave the rest to God.... Who cares about WHAT THE PRINCIPAL has to say???!!!!

2009-01-27T02:06:00.000-08:00

haha!!! i am on the NEWPAPER!!! haha. no kidding. i was mc for my school CNY. and my discipline master posted it.? weird.

my outfit for chinese new year!!!!
my fishes which all DIED..... hmmmm..
my present for samuel... he has left. :((((((((

i'll be posting more some other time. :)

REJOICE IN THE LORD ALWAYS. Phillipines 4: 4-7

2009-01-27T01:45:00.000-08:00

haha. cousins and i goofing around!!!!
Ok, do i really look like a kitten???!!!
MY candy floss!!!! cute. (at SP)
This was the "TREMORLATOR"!!!! haha. it was in SP. this open house thingy.
Isabel and Wan Zhen were on it

Haha. me in this nerd specs!! just crapping around...

2009-01-13T03:06:00.000-08:00

hey ppl!! its been kinda long since i have updated!!! i have got a lot of stuffs going on and loads to tell. soon! cya! :D

2009-01-02T01:31:00.000-08:00

haha... just discoverd something about myself when i go into my relationships.... i kinda finally know why my heart just couldn't let go of Melvin for that pass 3 years... well i guess because he was the only one that could accept my true self... he doesn't flare up or comment but just understand and deal with it. :) not saying that i still like him but i have no idea when i could find another understanding guy like him for a long time.... But God will take care of that...

I gues because it was this book "Acting Up" that kinda made me realised how why all my previous realtioships didn't turn up well at all... hmmm.. i guess its because i am very cautious in showing my true feelings to the guys that i like.. i am afraid they might not accept it and can't deal with it... and also sometimes when i like this guy, i will kinda take in/belives whatever he says because he physically attracts me.

Haha. i can really be quite unknown about myself, but i am glad i found out. Melvin didn't do any of these because he understood but for other guys... hmmhmm... yup. but its ok, i don't really blame any of them accept for one....

haha. oh. about this picture, i took it before i started studying. the painters of my blk were like putting this over coat and yup. my windows were closed but the reflection was there. haha. really funny!!!! ;D

haha. this is at the corner of my window. the yellow colour thingy is like the hat of the indian workers!! hahahahahah!!!!

TaTa...

2009-01-01T22:15:00.000-08:00

Hey!! haha. first day of sch has already ended and it was ok.. :D Thank God for being with me. haha. i was really kinda nervous, not knowing what was gonna happen.. haha. anyw, This 2 pics are took during the countdown. my 2 cousins are playing with ELIJAH!!! haha, funny!!

School was cool. my class is still at the 6 level. >< Jane was already ok and me and sharizal look like a couple because of our spectacles. hahaha!!!! :D hmm, now i am just worried if i can get a bagpack as soon as possible!!!! i really need it.. i feel incomplete without it!!

haha. anyw, i gotta study soon... hmm...

Bonjour!!!!

2008-12-31T23:37:00.000-08:00

Hey ppl!! i got no mood to blog right now cause the com is lagging like shit and its getting on my freaking nerves and my parents voices are irritating my ears.... sighss... i don't know. i feel so frustated right now, about school and everything!!!! haha. i just need a break sighs... and today is 1st Jan 2009 and i am feeling this way!!! arrh!!!!

Tata!!

(P.s there are more pics coming up so stay tune ppl!!)

   This is great!!!
   This is beautiful!!

   Haha!! This is funny! all the ppl taking pics.

I Think this is final fireworks! it was magnificent

2008-12-30T20:03:00.000-08:00

Hey!!! i am trying to blog everyday. This holidays i have accumulated a lot of photos so i decided to put them up for fun but i will just do it bit by bit.. ok... this picture i took.. i thought it was pretty well done. the weather the color schemes are very well blended. haha. i was going to have lunch with my parents after church so i managed to capture a picture of them. haha. :D Ok... today's the last day of 2008!!! OMTZ!!! i am getting freaked out!! i am going to church for like a youth comm. meeting and having watch night. hmm... haha. perhaps hanging out with some friends!!! haha. sighs... i pray that next year will be as fufilling as this!! i made friends.. :D

(p.s If you are interested in watching some cartoon killing videos. go to www.krinkels.net

haha. it's quite lame but at the same time funny. Reuben introduced during worship

practised.)

2008-12-29T19:38:00.000-08:00

Hey!! i again, have decided to do blogging again... sighs.. haha. anyw, this year has been really awesome for me. No doubt there was another heartbreak again but i learnt from it and i'm fine. i too accomplished many things. haha. like finally managed to fill up the hole in my heart from Melvin's answer. i truly apprreciated that!! and we are kinda friends now although still AWKWARD!!! haha. :D

Anyw, that picture of the white bra i took yesterday. i seriously thought it was HILARIOUS!!!! haha. maybe it's because i have hardly done shopping for a while but the bra very huge!! hahaha.. it looks kinda funny too. was pretty high last night with my family. we went to this RUSSIAN restaurant to eat!! haha. the coffee and cake was freaking alcoholicish!!! i hate it!! disgusting!! haha. Anyw, gotta go. going to watch movie!!! yeepee!!! :D

This a picture of LYF playing pool. haha. Pool is fun!!!
Another picture of Nat!! He is my coach! :P