hi everyone....

Listening the song " Thinking Of You"... hmmm... i just read his blog... sighs... what can i say.. i am feeling exactly the same way...lol.. hmmm... It's hard to explain this feeling... This reminds me to monday in class... i was having free period so i was just doing my homework while listening to my ipod then i sudden just felt that something was missing.... it's like without you i just don't have the motivation to study... i really can't help it.. but you have been partly the one making me carry on... it's weird maybe to you but

I only told this to Charmaine cause she knows exactly what i am going through....It's like today morning i saw wan qian and ye wei studying together behind me... ah yo... really sweet lorh...lol hmmm... just felt my heart very heavy suddenly when i saw them... hmmm... I feel being pulled away from you cause of family and studies, commitment etc.... i understand but it's really hard to let it go...

Really.. i was walking at senja to lrt..thinking about you... i realise that it's impossible to forget you or let you go... i really can't bring myself to do that.... but maybe you will cause it's not deep... but i know i can't....i just missed the train and i felt very bummed out cause i thought maybe i won't be able to see you...haha.. since you are always super fast.. it may not mean much but being able to see you for a while means a lot... lol.. i know creepy and weird... so i board the next train NOT KNOWING HE WAS INSIDE???? ah yo.... lol he was sitting down so i didn't see him... so at teck whye he got up and i was like doesn't he look like him..... i felt dumb but really happy... innocent and complicated.... then he smiled at me... wow... (:

People say i lucky that got that kind of guy who is so nice and responsible to like me... i agree and i am truly contented but it's torturing sometimes cause the feeling of cannot be with the one you like is really hard... i ever thought of giving both of us a chance to be together but i know he can't and i understand.... even my teacher can tell me study with him and work hard together... but really easier said than done... hmmm...

It takes both hands to clap.... Charmaine then out of concern asked me "So do you think if you are with him, both of you will be happy?" i just said you don't know unless you try... you have to fall before you fly... right? hmm... i don't want this to end... i don't want to regret not being with you cause any girl can like you easily cause you are so good....

Call me perfect but i am not.... hmmm... if i was perfect we would have been together... (: hmmm... i don't even dare to look at you cause unless i am very sure you won't know i am looking at you... lol... i can't look at you face to face.. lol i don't know why... cause i will either really be happy cause there's just so much about you or i will sigh cause i can't be with you...or at least boundaries are placed... ouch... it's like i look at your pictures it's just so... i can laugh so hard or sigh happily or sigh really depressing... lol.... a lot of up and down...

Even lying on my bed thinking about this... i can literally see my angel fighting with my devil but there is only one problem... i don't even know which is my angel or devil...?

lol.. it's like you are my umbrella in a heavydownpour.. being able to share my joy and sadness with.. haha.. not caring whether i am super weird or not... i feel weird saying this but.. i really can't explain this.. i just want to remain really good friends but sometimes a bit more than that but not further than that... but can. or cannot? my brain and my heart are really contradicting each other..